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Waiting for disaster.

Is trollet waiting for disaster? Maybe she wants to hear that 2007 will be financially secured. Will she hear that? Maybe not. What happens then? Well, she has crazy dreams, dreams she shares with the Object. Trollet and the object had a fantastic weekend with his family. They share dreams, that take them far away. Trollet takes them to Egypt, to see the pyramids, eat spicy food, play with camels, and enjoy the spirit of Egypt. The Object takes them to Rome and Athens. Italian? Si Si, ciao ciao. It will work. Trollet nods, she will be happy to go with object wherever he wants. Trollet is happy as long as she doesn't have to stay at one place too long. While she is stuck in Turku in her flat with a fever she can look at old pictures, and let the memories take her far away into craziness. What a craziness.



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Trollet runs to sweden.

Trollet had an intense weekend, work friday night and saturday day, then lighthouse party until 5am and Nova's baptisme on sunday. Now she is escaping everyday life, she is running all the way to gothenburg. Excellent. Trollet, the mind and the lump are happy to travel as a unity. Makes the journey somewhat easier. Alright, all lumps hanging around, have a great weekend and do something you really really enjoy and just do it for yourself, even just for 10 min. Don't forget yourself in this large hassle called life. Cheers!

Monday evening.

Trollet is back from a tour around the world, well at least a mental one. Now she is back, the mind is back, the unity is back. What a feeling. The mind also saved trollet from an interesting situation that could have become too interesting for her own good. Sometimes it is for the best to say, NO, and go, yes, simply leave the situation and be happy about it. And she certainly is happy. That was a good one. Maybe she has grown up..maybe.. for a while. She has grown up, at least until the next time she messes things up.

This is by the way trollet's kitchen. The pic is taken by her new camera.

From the cave.

Alright, so trollet is in the cave with dr. phil again. He is a big part of her life, but not a very important part, at least, so she claims. The cave has been the best place to hide, to hide from it all, to day dream of a warmer, nicer, and happier life. It has been an angry time. Good thing she has a cave so people on the street don't have to run for their lives when she comes along. Trollet is a pacifist but when she gets angry, irritated and mad she doesn't say very nice things. At least she is honest, and honestly too honest.

Object is disappointed. He needs trollet and trollet is here/there for him, but not an easy task as he isn't in her present. He hides in his own world, once in a while. He has a cave of his own and trollet has to knock on the door to enter. He does let her in, but sometimes he isn't there. Object, where are you? Sometimes he runs after trollet, and drags her in his cave. He is very fond of trollet, she knows that but sometimes the door to his cave is closed too thight to open. Then she simply needs his help to move the door. When he does that, it is no problem opening it.

Miserable to make art.

You actually have to be miserable, really bloody down to make art, write poems that people want to read, and be creative. No one wants to read about how pink and fluffy your life is. People want misery, sadness, depression, fucked up relationships, drugs, everything that makes you want to scream and run a way. Isn't it so?

Sure it can be nice to look at a pink and fluffy painting, read a lovydovy poem and so on, but you really feel, relate, react to the miserable ones. You remember a time in your life or a feeling you have had, and oh la la, that you relate to the dark miserable painting of a child drowning. Alright, trollet admits, that might have been a bit harsh, but.. she is not in her best mood this saturday night. Even so frustrated that she chose to stay at home instead of filling the lump with alcohol. Maybe a smart choise to make once in a while. Who knows. Sure the lump is pink and fluffy tomorrow, right..

Thinking!

Trollet goes mad from thinking too much once in a while. On the mind at the moment is work, too much work, other people's mistakes that she has to sort out, bloody thesis, unjustice, article about traveling, equality, poverty, relationship that she wants more from as she always does, why is that by the way.. So yes, no wonder the mind is like a hamster in a wheel trying to run to another dimension. Sleep is trying to escape, but trollet is hanging on to it like it would be the last day she will be able to find sleep.

Sleep is a strange matter. Some people fall asleep anywhere and all the time, some need so much more sleep than others to function, some can't get any sleep at all, and some sleep 8h a night regularily. In which category does trollet fit in? well, first of all she doesn't like to be categorized, but if she would have to choose she would probably say she is more "can't sleep at all" than "sleep all the time". This doesn't mean she suffers from insomnia all the time, but a lot. If she falls a sleep she wakes up aften 2 or 3 hours. Usually though she simply doesn't seems to get hold of mr.sleep. Oh, is it a mister? Well, it can be anything you want it to be, but today sleep feels like a mister. Enough said about that.

Trollet doesn't have much positive to say today, except for having a nice time with karin, cigaretts and o-j at bristol. That was exactly what Trollet needed after a terrible day at work. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

The lump is sleeping.

The mind is spinning around at the same time as it feels compleately empty. Can the mind ever be totally empty? nah, i doubt that. The lump is so tired that it hurts, and trollet is starring at Dr.Phil. Bloody Dr.Phil, he is here again taking over trollet's life. The lump was on its way to the gym when the mind stopped it, saying nah, don't go, don't stress, stay home and relax. The trollet thought, hey, yes, why not, then she could clean.. ha ha what a joke. Did trollet ever clean up the flat? No, defenitely not. The flat looks like a tornado would have taken a fast turn on this side of the planet.

The mind was thinking about travelling last night. The world keeps getting smaller, is it shrinking? well, you can basically go anywhere in the world (few exceptions) for a small amount of money, and this amount is getting smaller and smaller thanks to this fucked up capitalistic society. One could think trollet would think it is great that it is cheap to fly to the other side of the world, but she does not. Tourism exploits, and it exploits badly. Yes, many countries are depending on tourism but actually it is the larger capitalistic companies that profit the most from it. People and nations are starting to behave according to what tourists want and "need". Media, tv, shows pretty much everywhere in the world the rich, "happy" beautiful, successful western individual that makes people think that is the goal to reach. Is it? Defenitely not. People in the west are getting more and more mentally fucked up.. uuh, how is this possible? We, that are so rich, happy and beautiful shouldn't be sad. Why is it this system the one that other nations should strive for, the ones we call primitive. Some are on the right path, to be just like us. Well, apparently the system doesn't work. Blaming the system or the society doesn't work either, as we are the society. So what to do? Not an easy question. Trollet would say that first of all we need to wake up and start thinking and not be so bloody materialistic. Tourism in itself doesn't necessarily need to be so bad. Said before, many countries depend on it, but still only recieve a small % of the total income. This needs to be changed. The influence tourists have on local poeple can though be very bad. Well okey, bad acccording to who? Trollet? This is a question that could be discussed for hours and from fifty perspectives, but the main point, i quess, is to not stop thinking about these things and take it all for granted. Why is it so, that just because we are from the north we have all rights to travel to basically every country in the world and get inspiration for our art and our mental well being, when other people don't even get permission to enter our country. That says, not all, but a lot.

Busy Life is taking over.

What does it mean to be an ethical-philosophical advisor? It is not therapeutical, that is for sure. Is it then to lead lost people back to the right ethical track? Is it to bring out aspects that have been ignored? Is it to convince people to think in a certain way? Can you be such an advisor without letting your personal values influence the way you talk? Should you avoid to bring out your own personal beliefs? Why should you do that? Can you talk to a nazi without letting your own values influence what you say? I doubt it. But can you tell someone who is unsure of their religion to forget it all, chill, live and let die? I wouldn't recommend. So, how does it work? I am about to find out. Interesting.

Is it all just chaos?

This fantastic question is asked by amazing Dr Phil who is in a box in my livingroom. Amazing how crap I think the show is and how often I still have it on in the background. Why do we do things like that? Why don't I just turn it off, put some swinging music on and do something else? There could be a lot of excuses, such as, well, tired after work and nice to just be brainless for a while and so on. And it is true. It is great to just not-think and stare, but seriously stare at Dr Phil?? Actually I don't really care. So what that I watch Dr Phil a few times a week? It will not make me less intellectual, at least, so I claim.

Luckily there is much more to life than Dr Phil. There is a real life out there. Real people to interact with. Real emotions to deal with. Real places to visite. Job issues to take care of. And so much more. We all, I hope, have our own personal interests in life that other people might find strange. But it is these small things we like, we do, we think about, we act according to, that makes us us. So what makes Trollet? ha ha, tried to get me to releave deepest secrets. Can't do that. Escaping the truth.. Hihi.. and off she goes.