Four lumps, box of wine, dinner and a bottle of absinth.

The lump, dragging the mind along, went to a dinner party. Experinced good discussion, good food, good wine, burning and scary amounts of absinth, good company, taxi ride to nightlife, two sad nightclubs, many more shots, cheap drinks, dancing floor, reciving the lump-friend award, more sillyness. All in all a perfect drunken satisfaction.

Now the lump is lying on a sofa at a lump friends house, while this lump is out and about. Enjoying the fireplace, sneaking some crackers, sucking up the atmosphere of a lovely wooden house, and waiting for the friend lump to come home.

Soon a red troll will be in the middle of this madness. What will the troll think of it all? Will the troll and the lump find each other like they once did? Will the troll share thoughts and ideas? Will the trolls visite change things, and if yes what things? Will the lump visite the troll again? The mind has no idea. The mind cant answer the questions the lump is asking. The mind is empty, but also excited. It will be very interesting indeed.

The lump, the mind and snow.

The lump wakes up, feeling united with the mind. Looks out from the cave and sees snow, lots of it dancing in the air, spinning around, laughing. Hmmm, the mind utters: shouldn't it be spring in the air already? The lump was planning to take another stroll on the green field, but, well, the snow..

The lump stops, realizing it doesn't have to stroll around like a lost troll day after day. It is acceptable to enjoy, smile, laugh and maybe even feel some happiness, or is it, the mind sharply questions. Today it will, the lump states and leaves the mind arguing and pondering about happiness, what this is, what it means and how everyone should have the right to experience it.

The lump sees the bottle of absinth and the evening is saved.

The main lump and the mind are trying to cooperate.

The mind keeps escaping, strolling around in an empty field, looking for something to hold on to, doesn't seem to find anything, keeps on pondering, feeling empty and sad. The body is trying to hold on to the wondering mind; easier to cooperate as a unity and not as two seperate parts going in opposite directions. The mind realize there is nothing to be found in this field, moves on to the next one. Anything there?

The mind sees things it has had in its posession before, but never managed to hold on to, so decides to just keep on strolling. More familiar things comes along, the Lump looks in the other direction.What is the mind really looking for? The Lump has no idea, just hoping to see something that will blow its mind. Realistic? Hell no, and the Lump knows it, so maybe it will never stop strolling. Yes, that is it.

The Lump will always be a unity of a mind and a slow moving lump strolling in emptyness, stopping once in a while feeling almost happy, but then decides that it needs lonelyness and sadness. Or will it?

He he The last few days..

So thursday at 5-6ish p.m i go to Fredrik. He is all prepared with a fancy drink book, all drink ingredients one could desire and many different kinds of booze. After a few cosmopolitans, white ladies and what not we decide that, as we always talk about going to visite our good old friend Cilla that lives in Vaasa (c.400km north of turku), but never do, that hell, lets call her and go! She was indeed surprised but happy, still a bit suspicious about us really getting to the morning train as we were, well, happily "not sober".

So 11 drinks later and a 1/2 bottle of wine i stumble home, call Belfast, talk a lot of shiet..hi hi..sleep a few hours, go to the train station, find Fredrik, ride the train for 4.5 hours, bad humor, get to Vaasa, meet lovely wonderful Cilla and Benjamin (her son), but also Jani, her boyfriend.

Really enjoyed seeing her, the three of us used to be a mad trio, oh those times! Lots of memory talks, laughs, and oh, just superb. Realized i had not seen her in 2.5 years, way too long. I have been all over the place while she has been pregnant and a mum. Really different life situation but it surely didn't matter at all.

Had an easy evening, early morning, hang around in Vaasa, train ride back to Turku, shower and now ready for Kia's party.

Will see where I end up tomorrow :) Ah, i simply love doing these kinds of things. You get and idea and then you also do it, not only talk about it forever. Quess also a bit the same feeling when you tell people straight out what you think and feel, even though i often get the feeling that people get speechless and confused, oh well. Gotta be who you are.
Cheers!

Summer is starting to look rather promising!

Well first of all, Karin got financially desperate and called the lighthouse where I have worked since 2001, and got a job there so that will be fun. Don't know how much we will actually work together but still fun to know that now someone, of my close friends, will actually know how it is to be there, and besides I think we would work together rather well.
Check it out: www.bengtskar.fi

The other thing is about the conference that i am organizing in Estonia in july. Well suceeded to get Karin to come there as well, hehe, she follows me all summer long.. hmm actually a bit scary. You think she might have stalker potential ;)
But i also manged to fool an old friend Bosse, to join us there. He used to study philosophy a few years ago, and continued living as a poet, published at least one book. He is so great and i haven't seen him in a long time. So, YAY, for Bosse coming along reading poetry in the evenings.

Last night was funny, was out with, well of course Karin (she really is everywhere, or then we are becoming the same person, maybe she is my alter ego) but also jocke&sanna and the norwegians: per&ann-sofie. Jocke is one of the most entertaining people i have ever met, compleately insane, and Sanna is lovely. They are actually like one person. They invited me to go and visit them in Vasa this summer, that would be fun, have to check the money situation. They made a demo, the two of them, in their flat, check out www.suleeka.com

I will not mention my situation with my proff as it hasn't gotten any better, so I am trying to focus on some good things, instead of going compleately mad. Soon a red troll is here, great, and it seems like we are having a party then, well at least i already told some people about it. Hopefully it will not be as chaotic as the last bigger party I had, around 20 people (one room flat), everyone really messed up and night ended with the friend who was visiting me for the weekend had to spend the night at the police station behind bars...lovely. Not sure i even want to remember that entire weekend...so i say... erase erase erase...oooh the weekend is gone from the mind, what an excellent system.

A day not even worth writing about..

Lets just say there has been nothing good about this day so far, and it is 8.pm so slim chance of something extremely great happening, well except for the fact that Kia is coming over for dinner and movie.

Feel like sticking a tennis racket up my professors ass, and i would enjoy seeing him suffer! That's how great the presentation went... I claim I can handle critic but when your supervisor/professor still after 8 months denies to try to understand what u do (as he is from a different school of philosophy) and seem to enjoy to ask extremely stupid question, such as "what is capitalism"..., and has no intrest in seeing you succeed nor help you, it really makes u feel like telling him and the philosophy departement to fuck themselves, burn the thesis, go to China and disappear!!

The lump survived the week.

Good saldo: sickness, irritation, struggling with thesis, bar evening, forgot dentist appointement, fucked up computer, forced hang out time (15hours) with ex boyfriend, another lump visiting from helsinki, good talks, lots of thoughts spinning around, sadness,joy, missing other troll, night out including lots of laughs, wine, dancing, lovely people, good music, two ex-boyfriends at same place: great, but no hassle, everyone happy.

The lump is getting ready for next week. Which seem to include a seminar presentation, dentist suffering, conference meeting, writing on thesis, dinner with lots of wine + absinth chez Karin, saturday madness party chez Kia, lots of trollish pondering. This all sounds quite alright, but i also hope it includes attention from a particular red silly trollish lump, laughs, happiness, not too bad hangovers and ... hmmm...yes, i settle with that.

We'll see how the lump succeeds to move from destination A to B, accomplishing all the challanging tasks without crashing or feeling a separation between the mind and the body. It think it will be alright.

Saturday, snowstorm, happiness and a bottle of whisky.

Lump-friend left today, and we had a lovely evening, made soup, had a bottle of wine, some cider and just talked a lot about life, what we would want to do in the future, or more things that are fascinating,and things that are difficult.
Also talked quite a bit about past relationships,good and bad experiences and what we want/need from future relationships to make it work.

Made me think quite a bit about long distance relationships, for well quite an obvious reason.. and hmm, I really don't think it should be nor is impossible to make is work. Of course it requires alot from both, I would claim that more than in a everyday relationship, but I do think that if both people really want it AND belive that it will work, AND see a possiblility to live together in a somewhat near future, then WHY the hell not.. At least i really really want to think so, call me dead romantic or a fool, but i do want to think so.

Yes,people get tempted/attracted to other people and when having you partner very far away, it could seem easier to just say, fuck it..why not. But, well, it really isn't (easier that is). At least if you really care for your partner, and well, yes, it has a lot to do with respect. This all can sound very idealistic. But it is not meant to be. Of course people get maybe tempted easier when partner is far away, but hey, lets face it, people cheat like hell all around us..so in that sense it really doesn't matter. And yes, i am talking from experince, and yes, it did surely suck, so I'm not trying to be an idealistic romantic here. Yes, it is tough, but is it impossible? Hell no! Well, who am I to say..i have fucked up so many relationship so far.

I ended up buying a bottle of wine and a bottle of whisky..just in case..hehe, who am i trying to fool here..yes, the bottle wine will soon enough be in my body and quite probably some of the whisky as well.

Confusing troll once again, or lets say, just filled with thoughts.

Laptop is alive and so is the lump!

The lump is alive, feeling good, sun is shining and has a functioning laptop again. Not a bad beginning of the weekend at all. Even though i decided already yesterday (thursday) afternoon that NOW the weekend starts.
The lumpish troll is getting a lump friend visiting today from Helsinki. It could be argued that it's not too friendly to call friends "lumps", but I think this friend would be honored to be my lump-friend. Our plan is to make dinner, drink some wine, not too much though as the lump-friend recently had surgery and needs to take it rather easy, and just stay at my place and chat away. I met the lump in Bergen, last year, and in may we went up to Lofoten for 10 days. Oooh, what a nature.
So, I look forward seeing the lump, discuss the latest thoughts and ideas, and probably also talk about Bergen and all the lovely people it includes.

And besides it gave me an excellent reason to really clean my flat. I have to admit that it once again looked like...erm..like...erm, dont know....like disaster. At least i usually know where to find my important papers, magazines, books, cd's, clothes, beer bottles...= on the floor. Now the flor is covered with only a red carpet, how the hell will i ever find my things again..hmm, the down side of cleaning. But then again it takes, what, like a day to have it looking like BOM..

Enjoy the weekend!

Computer crashed, aaah, fucking great.

Computer crashed for no good reason, well is there ever a good reason..hmm. Well it seemed like the hardware was just erased for some juicy reason, but finally my own computer hero managed to find my files and we were able to copy my written documents on a cd. Still hoping to be able to store all my music and photos that i dont have anywhere else than on the "damaged" hardware. Luckily i was able to keep myself reasonably calm as i knew that i had saved my thesis on a cd earlier that day. And besides it doesn't help the computer hero having me freak out and being pissed off.

I say, YAY, for friends that don't mind fighting with your computer from 5 pm to 2.30 am and still be up for some fighting the next day and reinstall everything.
Thank you, Backus!

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY Paddy :)

The lump is streching and seeing a promising future.

Writing like a mad troll on my thesis, should turn in a chapter tomorrow that will be presented/discussed on a seminar on monday. The problem is that I at the moment have two half-ready chapters instead of one presentable, so have to fix that problem. At the moment i feel like super-woman, being able to breath and moving rather fast, so shouldn't be impossible.

I sometimes wonder if i am a bloody fool that chose to write my thesis in english, as it is obviously not my mother tongue, but then again it adds to the challange and besides lots of the litterature is in english which surely makes it easier. So yes, why not

Jepp Jepp

The lump is looking out from the cave.

The body is moving more actively, the mind is not as soft, and the thoughts have been spinning around bioproduction of subjects. So i think we could state that a progress has been made.
The idea of whisky, at late hours, in a smoky dark environment and a slightly blurred visibilty is already appealing. The mind and the lump are desperately trying to hold back the lust for drunken satisfaction, as more progress needs to be achieved before nighlife is the allowed destination.

we'll see when the lump no longer follows the mind's responsible advice..

Yay, for legal drugs, that make you feel like you are walking on clouds.

My mind is soft, my thoughts are flying around without a clear destination, some are heading towards Marx, Negri and Foucault, some towards scandinavia's largest lighthouse, some towards Descarte's method, some spinn around a particular red troll, some are just standing still wondering what to do.

The body is just as soft, arms feel like just hanging on the side of the main moving piece, legs are struggling to keep the entire moving lump, eyes are watering and nose running. Some sort of tired team spirit is still to be discovered as the lump is successfully moving from destination A to B.

The lump needs tea.

ARGH, sick again...
So here i am, sick again, which pisses me off. I do sports, i eat rather healthy so i think it is not fair, well i do on the other hand party quite a bit... and yes i was out last night. I would deserve a hang over but not being sick.

Last night was pleasent. A friend of mine had a organized a birthday party-sauna night (how finnish isn't that). The crowd was very mixed: family and friends. It was a nice night, but i would dare to say that the best part was that it surely wasn't an ordinary night, which would be: drinking at Kia's place and heading to Dynamo. I defenitely can't complain about those evenings as we always enjoy ourselves like hell, but it is nice to break the pattern once in a while.

Aaah the sun is shining, should go out, but better stay in bed. Well at least i managed to fool Karin to come over for a bit, to entertain the sick troll.
All for now.

The last few years.
I thought that as it is my first day of having a blog i am entitled to write 2 entries. Just had a bath, trying to get rid of the hangover that is holding on to me with a firm grip, acting like a jealous boyfriend, argh..hmmm.
Well thought about the last few years. What have i done and where have i been, this time of the year.
2001 and 2002 I can't recall exactly what i did in march, but i would say that i was living a somewhat stable life, living with my boyfriend at the time. These years obviously also included quite a bit of drinking and generally hanging around with lots of lovely people.

March 2003 was when the troll showed her crazier sides, well who wouldn't living 6 months on the party island called Iceland. This time would defenitely not have been the same without my lovely icelandic friend Andres and a wonderful finnish girl, Milla, who with no doubt put lots of strange ideas in my head. March 2003 had without a question a great impact, more than other months i would say, on my emotionall well being, drinking behaviour, and more than anything else it influenced my skills to seriously fuck up relationships.

March 2004 i was on the transsiberian train, hanging around siberia, on my way to china, on a 3 month tour in vietnam, laos, cambodja and thailand with a fantastic friend of mine, kia. Oh what a trip, so many stories to tell.

March 2005, i was living in Bergen, Norway, with 2 lovely philosophy students: Johannes and Per. I was studying, working for Amnesty, partying but also planning to settle down with the same boyfriend i lived with before. Now thinking back at that, it feels like it would have been ages ago, as it all got quite seriously fucked up.

March 2006, hmm, what to say. I am recovering from a lovely week in Belast, visiting a wonderful man, Paddy. Thinking about what to do when he comes here in april, which makes me smile. Also suffering from hangovers, (cheers to lovely friends that keep the drinking spirit up) getting frustrated with my bloody thesis, organizing a conference, wondering about the future, and what not.
All and nothing.

That was march for you!

Hmm, so here i am writing my first blog entry, having a rather heavy hang over from a funny night out.
Not sure why i am writing a blogg. I quess one could say, why not, but i would like to argue that yes, why not, but also being curious how it feels to have ideas on the internet. Do people actually read what i write, how comfortable i would be to write personal things, would i, hmm, not sure, but also to see what and why i actually write. Is there a reason, other than curiosity?
I could imagine that lots of people use bloggs as some sort of therapy, to get ideas and thoughts out from the head/mind, as the head tends to get too full of thoughts once in a while. Would i do the same? I honestly have to say that i have no clue, so this will be an interesting side to discover, about myself.
So here we go!
Welcome to the rather confusing world of Trollet, or should i say rather confusing thoughts, hmm, as thought and world are not the same things, even though my thought create the way i look at my world and the world in general. Erm..yes...
I'll try to be more clear the next time, but probably without succeeding.
hmm..