Vappen is here..scarry shit

Lots have happened in a week. The main issue last week was fighting/arguing..great. Lots was said and done. Disappointement and anger. Trollet escaped to Helsinki, to be alone and to prepare for the interview.

The interview went well, but always hard to tell what the result will be. The other two will probably also do a good job, hope they have a bad hair day or something. She wants to go. The interview was by the way interesting, for about 20min we talked about sex relationships.. the boss wanted trollet to be prepared that if she gets the job she has to know that everybody would want her. Trollet was a bit, huh? But what he meant was that people would find her different, blond, nordic and attractive but most of all as a potential saviour from poverty. His point was that it can be very tough when 10 people are out to get you everyday.. indeed. No sexual relationships are allowed, as it only causes problems. No problem, Trollet's intention is not going there on a sex holiday, but go there for a job and for the experience. Besides she has left her wild life behind her, she likes to convince herself.

After the interview Trollet started to drink. She stayed in Helsinki, met lots of excellent friends, shared laughter, lots of wine and just good times. She slept on a couch, that made half of her butt fall asleep, nice. She enjoyed a long breakfast with the sisters S and hoped on a train back to Turku. Rested for a little bit and went to K's party.

The party was good, very good. Lots of wine, punch, absinth, whiskey and what not. Everyone showed up which was very nice and the atmosphere was excellent. K appreciated the present which was almost the best part. She was soo surprised. Hihi, That's the spirit. They stayed at K's place until 3.30 a.m.

Yesterday Trollet was tired but for some reason she didn't get any sleep at all last night. Simply couldn't fall asleep. Was it the two day drinking, the fighting, Benin, sadness or something else? Well luckily Trollet will drink today aswell.. as it is Vappen.. well she hasn't really celebrated vappen for about 6 years, so why not give it a try today, even though the city is hysterical. The good thing is that it is a day off from work tomorrow, so hopefully she will able to sleep, really sleep. She also hopes the disappointement and the sadness is something she/they can work with. Sadly she is not so convinced.

Oh la la Benin, Trollet is almost there.. Almost

Trollet is going bloody insane. She is getting closer and closer to her goal. They want Trollet on an interview on Friday. Hell yeah! This is not impossible anymore. She really really wants this, hopefully they notice it without thinking she is manic.

She has to get her French going as smooth as possible, as it would be very annoying if it would fall on that. Her French is good, she just has to get it going. It has been laying still for quite some time. Alors, oui oui.

Hopefully they’ll like Trollet, and choose her as the final chosen one. She simply has to convince them that she should be it. She should in other words be the next Juice Master in Benin. Oh yes, sounds about right. Right now, she can’t think about anything else, nothing at all. Well of course there is Partner. Where does partner stand in all this? P is confused, happy for her and scared for himself, Trollet thinks. Partner understands that Trollet has to go, but doesn’t probably have the opportunity to come there himself, so he will maybe never understand what Trollet would experience there, which is sad, very sad. But it doesn’t mean that it would have to be the end for them, does it?

One of seven chosen ones.

Could Trollet be the final chosen one? Could she? Does she want to be the chosen one? Heall yeah. She defenitely wants to go to Africa for 6 months, it is in fact her dream. She wants to go together and and yet alone. She want to suck up the atmosphere of Benin, taste the food, interact with poeple, experience and learn plenty of new things. So much to see, hear, taste, smell, learn and feel. Some of it she wants to do alone but other things she can imagine doing together.

Benin, here Trollet comes. Well at least she is a bit closer on her way as she is one of seven chosen ones. Now she has to convince the employer that she should be the final chosen one. She defenitely should, at least she is fanatically excited. She dreams about Benin, she talks about Benin and she thinks about Benin constantly. At least she has a goal, she knows where she wants to go. Now she simply has to fight her way to actually get there and she is well on her way. Her application has been accepted and is amongst the last seven ones.

Hopefully she will able to pack her bag in the end of august and fly over to Grand Popo, and hopefully she will also have the oppurtunity to stay after the first of february and travel around for a few months. Maybe go by land to Marocco and fly back home from Spain or something. Anyone interested in joining the Troll? Now she is dreaming, really dreaming. She knows that she should hold her horses, and not let herself get too excited but she simply can't. And why not be excited? If she won't be the last chosen one, then she won't be. Then she has to work her but off right now, save money and travel on her own next winter. Anyone up for that?

Never alone on the Internet.

Never alone, there are always milions of poeple surfing the net. Internet is surely a place where you can be alone and still surrounded by an amazing amount of people. Trollet got an invitation to facebook.com by a friend in Bergen. Sure, why not. Trollet has been playing around at facebook most of the day, even at work.. yeah she know, not a very effective way to do a job. Oh well. She added some pics, wanna see:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=4486&l=3d45f&id=688982348

There is trollet, some friends and some sillyness. Alone and together.

Alone in crowds?

Feeling like one even though there is two. Trolls are always alone. Doesn’t matter if there are people around or not, Trolls are always alone. Doesn’t matter if there is a partner or not, Trolls are still alone. Aren’t we alone? Alone with ourselves, in happiness and in sorrow.

We can never escape ourselves no matter how hard we try and we can never be someone else. The question that remains is, can Trolls be with others and not feel alone? Sure, would one maybe answer. This Troll is not so convinced. People are all around her daytime, nighttime, lunchtime, dinner time, sport time and yet she feels alone. Why? She keeps so much to herself, and only herself.

Has Trollet never felt that she is at the same time alone as she is together with someone? That she can’t deny. She has felt it, definitely has. She enjoys being one and two at the same time. You feel your individuality at the same time as you feel a strong togetherness. So then you can be with others and not feel alone? Answer is probably yes. But you can also be with others and still feel alone. Someone that others would never regard as a loner can in fact feel like a loner. Loner on good and in bad.

Hängläpp is ready to rock!

Here is Hängläpp before and after. Quite a change, wouldn't you say? Pretty good result from someone that usually has the thumb up the ass when it comes to sewing things. Trollet has never been good at sewing, nor has she liked it. Fixing hängläpp was not the easiest thing, and the result is not the most accurate but she is damn proud of it. And she also found out that she does not want to fix furniture in the future.

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Trollet's muscles are so bloody sore from the spinning and body pump yesterday. If you sit down you can't get up. Hopefully better tomorrow, at least not worse. Partner comes tomorrow, now he actually comes. Very exciting.

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Trollet had an idea concerning the weekend. The idea included 18 degrees, sun, blue sky, great friends, hang out and possibly some cool white wine or cider. The idea was warmly accepted, so hopefully the temperature will be around 18 and various lumps will join Trollet in the park. Sounds like a nice way to enjoy the weekend.

Snowboarding

Trollet went snowboarding with her brother.

Thanks to silly people in the south of finland, thinking that there is no snow in the slopes, there was almost no people at all. The sky was blue, the snow was perfect, the riding was good. Here is trollet&bro, trollet herself and finally a blue memory from the snowboarding trip. This is just because Trollet was being silly and fell when she was standing still.. he he Yup, doesn't sound very pro. Otherwise the riding went well, lovely to feel that 13-14 years of riding is still there. Of course trollet was a bit stiff, as the last time she was boarding is a while ago: winter 2005 in Norway. These days was exactly what she needed.

Now she is ready to continue working and wait for partner to finally arrive.

Trollet feels like a litte monkey..

Look it's trollet and the hairy partner. We are both a bit wrong colour here but on the other hand we both get very red from the sun. Trollet is just hanging there on the partner like she usually does. What is partner doing? Seems like he is finding something juicy to eat like he usually does. So one could say that this is typical us. Trollet even has her normal morning hairdo, excellent.

Trollet wants to go snowboarding. If she ever feels like she can't breath, mentally, the thing that really does wonders is snowboarding. You feel so bloody free. The lump, the mind and the unity is just free. Completely free. Hmm. So does Trollet feel like she can't breath? Yes and No. Things are actually very good, except for the work situation, and oh yeah, maybe the health situation but OTHERWISE things are good, very good. And yet, she wants to and needs to go snowboarding, to breath, and simply to ride. Heall yeah.

The relationship with DrPhil continues

Trollet broke up with Dr Phil a few weeks ago but now he is a back. He is entertaining her this slightly boring Monday. He is talking about the power of music, oh yes. Trollet doesn't really know why she is watching it as she usually only gets irritated. Maybe just a bad habit. One can't be addicted to Dr Phil, right? Well, luckily trollet isn't, but maybe someone else is. People can be addicted to all sort of things, so why not Dr Phil? Addictions are not rational, neither is jealousy. These are the weird things that effect us so much. What is it that makes us go so nuts about something or someone?

Trollet is tired today. Monday-tired. All good, just tired and the constant headache is getting pretty frustrating. It's not killing her, but just constantly there reminder her of irritating pain. So, tonight she will just sit on her ass and do absolutely nothing. Good plan.

Trollet took this pic today, and her brother thinks she looks pretty crazy.

La vie d'Edith Piaf

Trollet and K went to see La Môme, the movie about Edith Piaf, oh la la quelle vie. Une femme bisarre, extraordinaire et totalement folle, comme on dit: une vraie artiste. Elle a vécu une vie de défaites amoureuses et de malheurs. http://www.piaf-lamome.com/

Voilà les paroles de Non je ne regrette rien.

Edith Piaf

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien

Non, Rien De Rien, Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien
Ni Le Bien Qu'on M'a Fait, Ni Le Mal
Tout Ca M'est Bien Egal
Non, Rien De Rien, Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien
C'est Paye, Balaye, Oublie, Je Me Fous Du Passe

Avec Mes Souvenirs J'ai Allume Le Feu
Mes Shagrins, Mes Plaisirs,
Je N'ai Plus Besoin D'eux
Balaye Les Amours Avec Leurs Tremolos
Balaye Pour Toujours
Je Reparas A Zero

Non, Rien De Rien, Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien
Ni Le Bien Qu'on M'a Fait, Ni Le Mal
Tout Ca M'est Bien Egal
Non, Rien De Rien, Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien
Car Ma Vie, Car Me Joies
Aujourd'hui Ca Commence Avec Toi

After seeing La Môme trollet thinks her life is so calm and normal. Trollet has been off the booze, taking it easy, having an extremely nice weekend. Trollet bougt a couch for 15 euro, a couch that looked sad and in extreme need of tender loving care. Trollet will give "häng-läpp" all it needs. She will give it new clothes and feed it will tender hugs. It comes home on thursday. She likes to take care of things/people that have a heart of cold but are a bit rough on the edges. They just need someone to love them and voilá, they become tender as puppies.

Now se is on her way out jogging in the sun. Nice.