More thoughts

Trollet needs to empty her head on thoughts, otherwise it will expload. During the last month she has been writing about being lonely and about happiness. Being lonely in crowds, being lonely even though you are two. This fits very well to what she is feeling right now. She believed she found someone to really share everything with but the realized that she must have been naive, as you are always alone with yourself. people come and go, and all you have in the end is yourself. Bloody yourself. Sometimes being with yourself doesn't feel that bad while other times you want to slap yourself in the face and say shut the fuck up. This doesn't mean that you can't or shouldn't share thoughts and ideas with others, but rather that you can't be WITH others if you loose yourself. You have to be comfortable with the little voice inside your head and the gut feeling in the stomach in order to be of any use to others. If the voice is screaming or is totally silent and the gut feeling is having cramps then you must be alone. Alone to figure things out.

What about happiness? The mind has not much to say about happiness right now. The mind is not only rowing on the river this time, it is sailing on the big seas. The lump is just hanging around while Trollet is shaking her head. Happiness? What is that? We think we have it and the suddenly it is gone. Maybe happiness is like a ghost. Some people see it clearly, others not at all, while some see it once in a while. If happiness is like a ghost, Trollet wishes that she could see them.

Trollet doesn't want to play games. Her feelings are strong, she can't deny that, but she is defenitely hurt. How badly she can't say right now. She still, sees them together, she does, just like he NOW wishes them to be, but she can't. She can't right now. She wants to, yes, but she can't. She is hurt. He needs to take this to a compleately new dimension before Trollet will be convinced. It will take much effort from his side. Hopefully he knows it, otherwise it is a lost game. Sadly. She didn't wish this to happen.