Thoughts about "being" together

Two people are sitting on a couch, they look at easy with the situation, but there is still some sort of tension in the air. What are they discussing? They shake hands and decide: Okey, let's be together, you and me, as a couple. How does that sounds? Strange yes. But how do you do that and what does it mean to be "together" with someone? Trollet is also together with the people she is having a glass of wine with, but not in "that" sense.. in which sense? The sense of being -you and me-.

You hang out with someone for some time and then you just realize that you find yourself in a relationship with that person. Other times you hang out for quite some time but when you start to think about it you are not quite sure what it is the two of you share? Sexual desire? Need to have someone in your life to fill up the empty space? Love? Understanding? Well it could obviously be all sort of things people share. Why do we have such a need to define situations? Not all do, but most of us do. We have to able to put it in some sort of box. It is quite alright to just hang around with someone, for a while, without having any form of definition of what it really is. In time one of the people involved wants to know. Has Trollet experienced this? Yes, she has, from both side of the story. One side: She was happy with just -being- whatever that meant but the other couldn't handle it. That person needed a definition. Today Trollet is cut off from that persons life, he wants nothing to do with her. Trollet assumes she meant a lot to him and didn't really realize and didn’t take any responsibility of the situation and of his feelings. He is pissed but also scarred that she would have such an influence again. The situation worked for her, but not for the him. Is that fair? Nah, that is exactly the point. When does it begin to be unfair? He never suggested that they should be -together- probably because he knew that she would have left. So he stayed in it. And so did she.

So why the urge to know? You might feel like you a hanging from a cliff if you don’t know. At least a definition straightens some things out. Like what? Well relationships look different. You might be two people or more, be sexually exclusive or not, live together or not, and so on. If you are sexually exclusive a defined relationship means, or should mean, that no one else touches you partner and you partner doesn’t touch someone else. Obviously that is not always the case. So is it all about sex? That we want someone for ourselves that we say: now, baby, it is you and me! Nah, it is about much more one would think. Friendship, openness, trust, sharing time and so on. But doesn’t that sound exactly like a good friendship? So how are relationships different? You now have restrictions.. you shouldn’t do this and that, but what do you gain? Love, respect, intimacy, safety? Not always. In many cases not at all. People abuse each other severely, both mentally and physically. They abuse the one they should respect, love and have as their best friend. Relationships huh?

Are some people more lonely riders while some are more couple people? Well, some are always with someone else. Trollet isn’t much of an exception. Some are always alone. Is it because they have chosen to be? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Sometimes people just find themselves in relationship they don’t want to be in and shouldn’t be in, but they still are. People are silly. Let’s face it, it brings much joy to be around other people but it isn’t always easy. You should understand and support your partner, and your partner should do the same to you. But what if you don’t understand what your partner needs and wants? Trollet isn’t saying that you can’t be very very happy in a well functioning relationship, because yes, you can. She is just wondering about the structure of relationships. Is our way the natural way? Okey okey, what is THE natural way. Maybe she meant, is that the –only- way? Surely it is not. In many cultures it looks different, for example a man can have many wives. Well, that doesn’t sound too juicy in Trollet’s ears. That is of course not the only “other” way. Anyways, She has no good answer, she is just curious about our need to categorize people, relationships, situations, ourselves and so on. Are we silly or is it just Trollet’s crazy mind playing tricks?